


Giving Thanks

by rudennotgingr



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:46:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudennotgingr/pseuds/rudennotgingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Moment shows the War Doctor a glimpse of what forgetting will eventually bring him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giving Thanks

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this a year ago, but not in time for Thanksgiving. Edited it a bit this year and then beta'd by the fabulous gallifreyslostson. It was sort of a way of dealing with the 50th for me, which I am not a fan of. But...here we are. :D

The Doctor pulled the door shut behind him, closing himself off from his past and his future all at the same time. His shoes thumped along the floor, leather jacket rustling with each swing of his arms as he crossed to the console. He thought back to the two men outside, to the two future versions of himself. He had turned out alright, if perhaps a bit childish. But it could be worse.

It could always be worse.

He stared at the floor, wondering. What harm would it cause if he remembered? How different would things be if he remembered that he actually saved Gallifrey, instead of living with a misplaced burden of guilt and regret? He looked his age now, old and weary from years of war. Surely he didn't need to carry this additional weight through his next lives?

"Would you like to see?"

He looked up. The girl, Rose Tyler--no. Bad Wolf, she had called herself, was perched on the edge of his console, hands gripping the edge and legs crossed at the ankle.

"How did you get here?" he snapped. "The Moment was left behind, you _can't_ be here."

"I'm always here, my Doctor."

He stared at her, unsure how to respond as the words sent shivers through his body. They inspired hope and fear deep within, giving him the urge to keep her and run from her all at once. He knew if he ushered her out the doors, she would simply reappear when he turned around.

She leaned forward, eyes dancing. "Would you like to see? Like to know what forgetting will bring you? Why it's better to carry the guilt, however misplaced it may be."

If he was going to forget all of it anyway, he didn't see what difference it would make. He trusted her more than he trusted himself. Although, he wasn’t sure anymore if that meant anything or not. He clasped his hands behind his back.

"Yes."

.....

The door before him was expensive looking, he knew enough about humans to tell that much. A mansion, that's what this was. He looked uncertainly up at the sky, frowning. Zeppelins flew over head.

He turned to the blonde standing beside him, her hair tousled and curled in seemingly unnatural directions.

"Where have you taken me?"

"You'll see." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. A sadness was buried deep within, a secret he was probably not meant to know. She sighed then nudged him with her shoulder. "Go on, knock."

He raised his hand to the door, the unfamiliar feel of time and space in this place causing his hand to shake. He pounded on the door four times, then waited.

A commotion, mostly people yelling, came from somewhere within, followed by footsteps approaching the door.

"Four times. I hate when people knock four times. The next time someone knocks four times I'm--" The door swung open, revealing a man in denim trousers, a dark blue jumper, and red trainers. His chestnut hair was wild and he wore a pair of glasses that only served to enhance the surprise in his dark eyes.

The two men stared at each other, eyes wide and jaws hanging open. Words burst from both mouths at the same time.

"You!?"

"Sandshoes?"

The man still in the doorway blinked then looked down at his feet. "They're not...they're not sandshoes."

"They are. What are you doing here?" The Doctor eyed the man again. It was obviously the same version of himself he had just seen moments before, only wearing different clothes. That was unusual. He had a habit of picking an outfit per regeneration and sticking to it, with maybe minor changes here and there. And jeans? His future self truly was going through a midlife crisis.

"Me? What about you? What are you doing here? _You_ do not belong here." He scrunched up his face. "I don't remember this. How did you get here?" He leaned out of the doorway, twisting his head and looking around as if searching for something.

"Doesn't matter," the Doctor said dismissively.

"Where's your TARDIS?" his other self asked suspiciously, lingering in the door frame.

"Ah, um." He paused awkwardly. "That's not how I got here."

"What?"

"My goodness, I've gotten rude. Aren't you going to invite me in?" He smiled at his future self, knowing full well the reason the other man was looking at him as if he had seen a ghost. Either it hadn't happened for him yet or he had already forgotten. The man before him believed this version of himself had burned Gallifrey. The haunted look in his eyes gave it away.

"Oh, no. No, no, no." He stepped out of the house and closed the door. "You _can't_ be here. If Rose...Look. You have to leave."

The Doctor arched an eyebrow, looking at the blonde who was now standing to the side, leaning against the wall, watching. He had almost forgotten her presence until now. She pressed a finger to her lips, softly shaking her head. Of course, the other man wouldn't be able to see her. Just like before.

"Did you say Rose?" he asked, ignoring his other self's protests. "As in Rose Tyler? I would very much like to meet her." He craned his neck, trying to peek in through the patterned glass of the door. He looked back to the future version of himself, all color had drained from his face. "What's the matter with you? You look like you've seen a ghost."

The air shifted, energy sparking around them. Color came back into the other man's face, storm clouds brewing within his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was a low threatening growl. "How do you know about her?"

"Doctor!" A female voice called from within the house. Shuffling footsteps came closer, an awkward tension replaced the hostile air from just moments before.

The door opened. 

"Doctor, the food is ready. And I told you what the consequences would be if you made me waddle all the way--oh." The woman said, just noticing his presence. She gave him a warm smile. "Hello."

Time froze as he took in the woman's appearance. She was beautiful. Way too young for him, but beautiful. There was no mistaking her. _This_ was Rose Tyler. Her long blonde hair was straight, just past her shoulders. He didn't bother noticing her outfit, only that it was very different from what the Moment version was wearing. He had become distracted by her warm amber eyes and a subtle glow to her cheeks that only added to her natural beauty. His eyes fell to her protruding belly, one of her hands absently rubbing it in small circles. A gold band on one of her fingers glinted in the fading sunlight. His gaze shot to the left hand of the other man, who was rubbing the back of his neck and shifting from one foot to the other. A matching band, only slightly thicker, circled his ring finger.

The frozen moment shattered. He whirled on his future incarnation, rage burning within him. "Is this what I become? What are you playing at? We never sit still long enough for a commitment this serious. You're just going to break her heart. What has this poor girl done to deserve this?"

A gentle touch on his arm, calming him instantly, stopped his outburst. He turned to look at her, knowing eyes searching his face.

"Doctor?"

Her voice was soft and it sparked hope within his chest. His throat went dry and he could only nod in response.

She smiled up at him, then looked to her husband. "Weren't you going to invite him in? We have plenty of food." She poked him in the arm. "And don't you dare make another comment about me eating it all."

His future self looked down at her with unabashed adoration, smile tugging at his lips. The Doctor wondered if maybe his accusations had been misplaced.

Rose elbowed the tall skinny man. "Well, which one is this then?"

The other man tugged on his ear and took a deep breath. "This is me before I met you. He's the one...he, that is I, well...we--"

He was silenced by a kiss. Rose stood up on her tip toes, placing one hand around the back of his neck to pull him to her. They shared a look of deep understanding, a moment the Doctor felt like he was intruding upon.

And then she looked at him, with such sadness and compassion it made his hearts clench. Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke, "I'm so sorry."

Rose embraced the Doctor as best she could, leaving him with only one option, to hug her back. And he was glad he did. All the guilt he felt for the things he had done in the past, the guilt he would soon bear for a crime he didn't actually commit, all the suffering...melted away. After a moment she pulled back, brushing tears from her eyes. 

She looked at her husband, squeezing one of his hands in both of hers. "I'll give you two a minute." She placed a kiss on his cheek, gave him a pointed glare then waddled back into the house.

The Doctor looked at his future self. "Care to explain? I'm going to forget this anyway."

The other man pinched the bridge of his nose. "It'll be easier if I show you."

"Oh, for...alright."

Cool fingers touched the younger Doctor's temple, memories flashing in his mind. Rose Tyler. Healing. Daleks. Bad Wolf. Love, bursting from every cell in his body. Happiness. Parallel worlds and a too white wall. Bad Wolf Bay. Heartache and deep, throbbing pain. Martha Jones. The Master. Donna Noble. The Ood. The return of Rose Tyler. Davros, daleks, avoiding regeneration. The DoctorDonna. His metacrisis. Bad Wolf Bay and giving up Rose. Starting a new life. Happiness, adjustment, fights, making up, and always love, forgiveness. Rose.

The other man broke contact, leaving the white haired Doctor gripping his head and breathing heavily. No wonder the Moment had chosen the form of Rose. She was strong, compassionate, stubborn. More than a match for any version of himself. He stared at the man before him.

"So you're human?"

"Oi! Part human. Anyway, we can talk about it more later if you like. Right now, we should probably get inside, before a certain mother-in-law has both our hides. You saw Jackie in those memories I'm sure." He shuddered, making an expression the full Time Lord could only place as a mix between horror, disgust, and an odd form of affection. "There really is more than enough food. We're celebrating Thanksgiving."

"Thanks-what?"

"Thanksgiving. Brilliant holiday! Well, depending on how you look at it I suppose. It's an American tradition. The actual history isn't all that brilliant, considering the violence that is--never mind. That doesn't matter. Though oddly fitting for us I suppose." He paused, frowning, before clapping his hands together. "Anyway. The food! That's the point. And considering Rose's current, uh, condition, I figured it would be a nice way to let her eat as much as she wants without feeling guilty about it. She's due next month, a baby girl. We're going to name her Donna."

"Do you ever stop talking?" The words were harsh, but the smile and sparkle in the younger Doctor's eyes gave his true feelings away.

"Only for certain activities." He waggled his eyebrows then let them both into the house.

.....

It had been one of the best nights of any of his lives. He hadn't eaten much of the food, certainly no where near as much as Rose, who probably went back for a tenth helping of everything at some point. But the company and companionship had meant more to him than any gift he had ever been given. Pete had treated him with respect and Jackie had welcomed him with open arms. Aside from an initial teasing remark about his elderly appearance, most of her taunting had been directed at his other self, who took it all in stride, giving as good as he got.

It was obvious how much Rose and the future version of himself were in love, and seeing her interact with Tony only confirmed that she would be a wonderful mother. A sharp pang of sadness drove deep into his hearts. This was a future he, as the full Time Lord, would never know. He knew then a tiny amount of the heartache he would one day go through, giving her up. It was worth it. And he was immensely thankful for this small glimpse the Moment had given him.

Before stepping out the door of the mansion, before heading back to his own time, his own universe, he left the couple with the only gift he could give. The knowledge that Gallifrey had been saved. The other man had been horrified at first, but after Rose burst into tears of joy, he had a change of heart. There had been a brief moment of panic, when they both thought about the consequences of what a drastic change that would have on his next regeneration, the one where he would first meet Rose.

He assured them that all would remain the same, when he went back he would remember none of it. That earned a fresh wave of tears from Rose, happy and sad, and a fierce, if slightly awkward, hug. His future self shook his hand, thanking him, before guiding Rose back inside.

Now standing outside, looking up at the stars, he was ready. He was prepared to forget, knowing that something greater than Gallifrey awaited him. A gift, after he suppressed the memories, he knew his guilt ridden self would not feel he deserved. A gift he would cherish to the end of his days, no matter what face he wore.

He looked to the blonde who had appeared at his side, the Moment in the form of Rose Tyler. She was smiling, eyes knowing and just a little bit sad, knowing he would remember none of this.

He returned her smile, truly at peace with his decision. "Thank you."


End file.
